Role Models Are Flashlights, Not Mirrors

Let’s say for a moment that I am Texas.

Lots of land. Boots. Tex-Mex. Queso. Guns. Cattle. BBQ. Oil. I'm Big. Everything is bigger here.

But sometimes all that can feel boring because I’ve known these things my whole life. They’re so familiar.

But y’now what’s exciting?
LOBSTER!
Everyone loves lobster.
Succulent, juicy, red lobster cracked open and dipped in butter. My friend Maine is the best at lobsters. It’s so easy for her and it seems so fun.

Maybe I could be good at Lobsters. I can see it now: “Texas has the best Lobsters!" I want to do that!…

It sounds stupid, but we all do it.

Rather than look at ourselves honestly and make the appropriate plan suited to who we are, what we’re good at, and what’s best for us, we look to other people and believe that they are mirrors.

I see it when “successful people” give talks or get interviewed on podcasts. People want to ask about how they did it– how they broke in, how they got discovered, what inspires them, what’s their morning routine or how do they make their magic.

The implicit thought is, “If I do exactly what they do, I will be successful too.”But here’s a spoiler: we will never fully become that other person. They have their own history and experiences different than our own that have shaped who they are. They have innate strengths and skills they’ve been building up over their lifetime different than the ours. They have values and people in their lives that shape a different outcome.

Role models are not mirrors. Role models are flashlights that help us see ourselves better in the dark.

What can we learn about ourselves that we can see better now because of their light? How might they inspire us to do things in our own way? Unblock us? How might we learn to embrace our own identity by seeing how they’ve embraced theirs? How might we let them reveal a path we didn’t see before?

We are all states–we have our own shape and geography and history, with our own flags to wave and mottos to believe in.

The bad news is: if you're Texas, you'll never be Maine.
(But why would that even be your goal?) The good news is: if you are Texas, you are the best Texas there ever has been

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Jake Kahana is a cofounder of Caveday. Sign up for his personal emails, called “The Email Refrigerator” here.