Non-Real Fears

When we procrastinate, one of the main reasons is fear. We’re not going all-in on a project because we’re afraid of something. Avoiding the important tasks in favor of the urgent is a symptom of fear.

We fear that what might come afterwards will be uncomfortable or scary and unknown. We fear that we don’t have all the answers and might look dumb. We fear we might fail.

Fear is very real.
But it’s worth acknowledging that there are two kinds of fear:
Real and Non Real.

There are two steps to overcoming fear.
The first is to name the fear.
The second is to tell what kind of fear it is.

Naming a fear takes away some of its power (the same applies to shame– naming it give us ownership of the event).
When we put words to feelings, it can be revealing.

Once we can identify what it is we’re afraid of, the type of fear become very obvious.

5 years ago, I had a phone call with a mentor of mine who challenged me by asking why Caveday wasn’t my full-time job. I said, simply “I’m afraid.”

I started listing some of my fears. Caveday can’t afford me. I’ll lose momentum in other parts of my career. The company might fail. My professional identity becomes messy…

The non-real ones were very obvious.
For example, “it’s not a ‘real job’ and I’m going to have a hard time explaining to people what I do.”
“By committing to this, I won’t get to do other things that I love.”
“I may have to have uncomfortable conversations in the future.”

Non real fears are the ones that hold us back but aren’t true. We convince ourselves that they are real and worth delaying, stopping, or changing our intention and direction.

But once we identify them, we can learn that they’re not real. They’re exaggerated in our heads, stories that get in the way of what we truly want.

Were you afraid of going into your childhood basement in the dark? Talk that fear out. Guaranteed it’s a non-real fear.
Now about that project you’re stalling on…

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Caveday is a company aimed at improving your relationship to work. We write regular posts on Medium and send out monthly newsletters with productivity tips, life hacks, and recommendations. Sign up for the mailing list here.

Jake Kahana is a cofounder of Caveday. Sign up for his personal emails, called “The Email Refrigerator” here.