Unpack Your Relationship Baggage

Hey Welcome.
Let me take your jacket.
Come lay on the couch.
Let’s talk about your relationships.

At work there are five basic types of relationships:
Partner, vendor, client, senior, and junior.

Partners are peers; coworkers and teammates with whom you collaborate.

Vendors are external collaborators with whom you negotiate.

Clients are people that pay you, whose feedback you need.

Senior relationships are between you and a boss or someone more senior in your org.

Junior is between you and someone who you outrank.

You come into work with a lifetime of experience, whether you realize it or not. Your time as a babysitter in high school matters. That strict 3rd grade teacher has a lasting impression on how you deal with seniority. The role you play with your sibling influences how you deal with people at work. Needing your parents approval informs how you deal with senior people.

In order to improve our relationships at work, we need to first unpack what we’re carrying into these relationships. Here’s an exercise to help:

1. Make 5 columns
   One for each kind of relationship mentioned above. List 3-5 names in each category from your life that seems to have made a lasting impression. Lean towards the ones that have been more of a negative experience because those experiences get in the way of having more healthy current relationships.
   (You know if you’ve ever been cheated on, it may be hard to trust your next partner.)

2. Write 1 sentence for each person
   Unpack how each of these names continues to influence your relationships. How do you approach partners? Which relationship from your past makes you difficult to trust? Or too trusting?

Dig in. Your work has begun.

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Caveday is a company aimed at improving your relationship to work. We write regular posts on Medium and send out monthly newsletters with productivity tips, life hacks, and recommendations. Sign up for the mailing list here.

Jake Kahana is a cofounder of Caveday. Sign up for his personal emails, called “The Email Refrigerator” here.